Fair Play
by Jamie August
Summary: Harry whines to the captain about still being an ensign, and when she refuses to promote him, he takes revenge! What he doesn't count on is the captain sinking to his level in return . . .


TITLE: Fair Play 

AUTHOR: Jamie August (but you knew that) 

RATING: G 

SUMMARY: Harry Kim whines about still being an ensign, then decides to get revenge on Captain Janeway for not promoting him. What he didn't count on was Janeway stooping to his level in return . . . 

DISCLAIMER: Paramount, Paramount, Paramount! (And I really do like Harry and Janeway. I just enjoy tormenting everyone . . . well, you'll see what I mean.) 

FEEDBACK: Why? Because it's hungry! augustdragon81@netscape.net (I answer all emails) 

A/N: I like shrubs! *giggle* Yay, shrubs!   
  
  
  


Fair Play 

***   
  
  
  


Captain Janeway looked up from the duty roster when the door chimed. She lowered her feet from their resting place on the corner of the desk and swivelled her chair around. "Enter," she called.   
  


The door slid open to reveal Ensign Harry Kim. He peered into the ready room. "Captain, may I talk to you for a minute?"   
  


"Of course, Harry. Come in, have a seat." She motioned to the chair in front of her desk. "What can I do for you?"   
  


Harry crossed the room and sat in the chair. He took a deep breath and considered what to say. On the way to the captain's ready room, he'd rehearsed his speech many times (he'd taken the long route around the ship). But now that he was sitting across from her, the words had flown right out of his head. Still, he had to start somewhere.   
  


Janeway drummed her fingers on the duty roster and gazed across the desk. "Well, Mr. Kim, are you going to tell me why you're here, or do I have to guess?"   
  


"Oh! Um, well, I wanted to talk to you about my rank."   
  


I knew it, Janeway thought. He'd been whining about his rank for months. She kept her expression carefully neutral. "Oh?"   
  


Harry sighed in relief. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all! "Yeah. I was wondering why I'm still an ensign while everyone else has been promoted."   
  


"Not everyone has been promoted. None of the other ensigns have been promoted."   
  


"Tom was! You bumped him down to ensign, then promoted him back to lieutenant!"   
  


Janeway reached for her coffee and took a sip. After the hot caffeinated liquid had worked its magic to her brain, she lowered the mug and stared levelly at Harry. "That cannot be considered a promotion, Harry. It was merely a restoration of his previous rank."   
  


"Well, what if I previously had the rank of commander in a past life? Then would you restore that rank to me?"   
  


"Are you telling me you believe in reincarnation, Mr. Kim?"   
  


"Well . . ." Yeah, she had him there. "No, but -"   
  


"Then this entire line of reasoning hinges on me accepting a concept that you don't believe in yourself?"   
  


Harry sighed. "I guess, but -"   
  


"You're reaching, Mr. Kim."   
  


"I know, Captain."   
  


"Was there anything else?"   
  


"Yes! Why haven't I been promoted? It's not fair! Most ensigns get promoted after a few years. I've been an ensign for seven! At this rate, I'll still be an ensign when we get back to Earth! All of my friends from the Academy will probably be admirals by then, but I'll still be good old Ensign Harry Kim!" He paused, breathing hard after that outburst.   
  


Janeway raised an eyebrow. "Oh, come now, Harry. I'm sure you'll get a promotion in a decade or two. You can pull in to port as Lieutenant Junior Grade Harry Kim."   
  


"Wonderful. I'll be the oldest lieutenant in Starfleet history."   
  


"At least you'll have set a record."   
  


"It's not fair! There are members of this crew who aren't even Starfleet who have higher ranks than I do!"   
  


Captain Janeway closed her eyes for a moment. When she reopened them, Harry was still sitting across from her, looking at her with hurt puppy-dog eyes. "Like whom, for instance?"   
  


"Like B'Elanna. Like Chakotay. You know, I think even the Doctor has a higher rank than me?"   
  


"The Doctor doesn't have a rank. Holograms don't have ranks. And I'm sure if you go tell him that, he'll be the next one in my office to complain."   
  


"Well, good! Maybe we should band together!"   
  


"You do that, Ensign Kim. With an attitude like this, you'll never get promoted."   
  


Harry slumped in his chair, knowing he'd managed to defeat his own purpose nearly the second he'd opened his mouth. "But it's not fair!"   
  


"Life's not fair. But you learn to live with it. This conversation is over, Harry." With that, the captain picked up the duty roster, picked up her coffee mug, swivelled her chair to the side, and swung her feet up to rest on the corner of the desk once again.   
  


Harry took a couple of deep breaths and tried to remember the rational arguments he'd been working on. "Captain, I've given seven years of loyal service to this ship."   
  


"And I thank you." Janeway didn't look up from the roster.   
  


"Most ensigns get promoted after five years."   
  


"No, most ensigns get considered for promotion after five years. Are you 'most ensigns'? Do you want to be stereotyped like that?"   
  


"Well . . ." Both arguments worked to his advantage, and to his detriment. He just couldn't win! "Captain, I've had more experience than most ensigns. I've already made more first contacts out here than the average starship captain does in the Alpha Quadrant in a whole lifetime!"   
  


Peering over the duty roster, Janeway raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"   
  


"Well, uh, I mean . . ." Harry shook his head and sighed. "I've been a good officer! Haven't I done my duty? And yet I get no promotion, no accommodation, not even a pat on the back and a 'Nice work, Harry. We appreciate you, Harry.'"   
  


Captain Janeway dropped her feet to the floor and set the mug and duty roster on the desk. She stood and walked around the desk, stopping beside Harry, where she patted him on the head. "Nice work, Harry. We appreciate you, Harry."   
  


"Gee, thanks," he said sarcastically. "Why haven't I been promoted?"   
  


She sat on the desk and crossed her legs. "There simply aren't any more openings for lieutenant. To promote you, one of our current lieutenants would either have to be promoted, or killed. Now, I simply can't promote anyone else, and I'm certainly not going to kill someone just to promote you. Are we clear?"   
  


"Huh?" Harry startled himself out of a daydream of shoving Lieutenant Tom Paris out the nearest airlock. "Oh. Yeah. Clear."   
  


"All right, then. Dismissed, Ensign Kim."   
  


"Yes, Captain." Harry reluctantly stood and walked from the room. I'll find some way to get back at her, he vowed.   
  
  
  


***   
  
  
  


ENSIGN HARRY KIM'S PERSONAL LOG, STARDATE 4747.47: Man, this is so unfair! At this rate, I really will still be an ensign by the time we get back to Earth! I should get a promotion. I've done lots of good things on this stupid ship. Heck, according to this weird recording I've got from the future me, I even saved Voyager from crashing into some ice planet. I saved everyone's life! Well, okay, I guess Chakotay helped a little, but it was mostly me. But does anyone remember that? No, of course not! Because it never happened, since I stopped it from happening! But, wait a minute. If I stopped it from happening, how could I have been there in the future to stop it from happening? Boy, these time paradox things sure give me a headache!   
  


HARRY'S LOG, CONTINUED: But anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Captain Janeway is being so unfair! But I found a way to get back at her, oh yes, I sure did! Heh-heh-heh! Get this: I put Nair in her shampoo! Ha-ha! I can't wait to report for duty tomorrow morning!   
  
  
  
  
  


***   
  


THE NEXT MORNING . . .   
  
  
  


All activity on the bridge came to a screeching halt when Captain Janeway walked through the doors. She glared at each officer in turn, daring anyone to laugh at her. Running a hand over her now-smooth head, she strode across the bridge and took her seat in her chair. Once again, she glared around the bridge. "Whoever did this better hope and pray I never find out who they are."   
  


Tom Paris tried valiantly not to laugh. "Oh, c'mon, Captain. It's not so bad. All the great captains were bald."   
  


"Name one."   
  


"Well, Picard. And I hear Sisko shaved his head as soon as he was promoted to Captain. Oh, and of course there's Kirk."   
  


"Captain Kirk was not bald," Tuvok informed him.   
  


Tom looked at Tuvok in surprise. "Of course he was! You thought that was hair? That wasn't hair. It was a tribble that got stuck to his head! He could have gotten rid of it, but he would have had to get it surgically removed. Without that tribble, Kirk was as bald as, well . . ." he stared at Janeway's head.   
  


"I do not find this amusing, Lieutenant Paris."   
  


"Sorry, Captain." Tom hid another smile. "I'm sure you can replicate a wig."   
  


"Or a tribble," Harry suggested, unable to stop the laughter which burst out of him.   
  


"You!" Captain Janeway whirled around and pinned Harry with an evil glare. "You did this to me!"   
  


Harry abruptly stopped laughing as the captain leaped from her chair and ran toward him. The bridge crew watched with interest as she chased Harry around the bridge. In a panic, Harry hid behind Tuvok and screamed, "I didn't do it! You have no proof!"   
  


"Captain," Tuvok broke in, "he has a point. You do not have any proof Ensign Kim is responsible."   
  


Captain Janeway became eerily calm. A strange light shone in her eyes as she nodded. "You're absolutely right, Tuvok. I have no proof. Return to your station, Ensign Kim."   
  


"Uh, okay." Harry edged around her and ran for his console. The look on the captain's face as she sat back down in her chair made him nervous. He wasn't sure, but he thought she might be planning something . . . .   
  
  
  


*** 

DINNER TIME . . .   
  
  
  


Neelix paused in the process of scooping some unidentifiable 'specialty' onto Tom's tray. He looked toward the entrance of the mess hall. "Hey, there's the captain. But, Tom, she's not bald. You told me she was bald!"   
  


Tom turned to look. Sure enough, the captain now had hair. "She must have replicated a wig. Wow, it sure is short!"   
  


"And dark. I didn't know the captain wanted such dark hair."   
  


Just then, the mess hall door opened, and Harry Kim walked in. A very unhappy, very bald Harry Kim.   
  


Neelix and Tom gazed back and forth between Janeway and Harry, then looked at each other. A light of understanding dawned in their eyes.   
  


"Ohhh . . ."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


~ iThe End/i ~   
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
